Today I was reminded by Facebook that on this date 7 years ago, I was tagged by my ex-brother-in-law (Holy hyphens, Batman!) to create a list of 25 random things about myself. While rereading my list today, I realized how much has changed in seven years. I was inspired to make a new list of random things about myself. Below I will share the original list along with the new one which is a response to the original.
7 years ago: I DO NOT run, because when I had to in school I looked like Kermit the Frog.
Today: I do run…but I try not to do it in front of people I’m attracted to.
7 years ago: I turn red when I am overheated or embarrassed, and sometimes for no reason at all.
Today: I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not caucasian. I have my own race and that race is red.
7 years ago: I am a big fan of One Tree Hill and The Secret Life of the American Teenager and make an attempt to watch them when there are new episodes. Sometimes I go to great lengths to watch like having Zeke* watch Leland in another room.
Today: My new guilty obsession TV shows are Jane the Virgin and Pretty Little Liars. I openly watch them, sometimes even at work. I divorced Zeke. Leland is old enough now to go to his room on his own if he doesn’t like what I’m watching.
7 years ago: I have many MANY fears which include: lizards, bad weather, death and heights…just to name a few. I don’t know who to blame for this.
Today: The list of irrational fears continues to grow…but some of them go away. I already had a fear of guns but even more so now after being robbed at gunpoint. Bad weather in general no longer scares me…just tornado warnings for the most part. I know WHAT to blame for this now. It’s anxiety. I have anxiety and depression but I’ve become much better at coping with them.
7 years ago: I took tons of classes as a kid that never stuck: tae kwon do, ballet, tap and tumbling
Today: I’ve realized slowly over the years that I’m just no good at following through on things: relationships, school, things I’ve wanted to learn like how to play ukulele. The list goes on and on.
7 years ago: At heart, I am still the straight A student who never did anything wrong. Even though that all changed in middle school when I met the one person who changed my life for the worse.
Today: I think I’ve very effectively drowned the good girl persona in sex, alcohol and obscenities. Sometimes I’d like to see myself that way again. There are several more people that have hurt me or have probably been bad for my mental health to have around, but it was my choice to keep them around so long. The fault is my own, not theirs.
7 years ago: I am 20 and don’t have my driver’s license yet. And don’t really know how to drive…much.
Today: I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was 25, two years ago. I’m still nervous to drive in certain situations.
7 years ago: Being able to make Leland laugh brightens my day.
Today: Being able to make anyone laugh brightens my day. Being able to make Leland laugh brightens my week.
7 years ago: I really want to go back to school and wish I had the money to do so. I also need to take my ACT, because I never did.
Today: I took my ACT and went to college for a while and then dropped out due to my anxiety disorder. I’d like to go back but really just to keep my brain active. I don’t feel like anything I would want to do with the rest of my life would require a degree of any type.
7 years ago: I really want to own a record store and call it Vinyl Vengeance.
Today: I’d still like a record store but I feel like in order for it to thrive, it would have to also sell other things like movies, sex toys, “tobacco” accessories, something.
7 years ago: I don’t hate anyone, although I feel like I should sometimes.
Today: I don’t hate anyone but I genuinely dislike about 98% percent of the people I meet. Of the 2% I don’t hate, I sleep with 1% of them and wind up disliking them eventually too.
7 years ago: I look forward to the mail everyday and hate Sundays and Holidays where the mail doesn’t come because I enter a lot of sweepstakes and am waiting for winnings constantly.
7 years ago: I don’t believe in God, heaven or hell but sometimes really wish I could because I think it may help me sleep at night.
Today: This one is still true. I wish I could believe in something, anything really. The thought that there is nothing after this life scares the hell out of me.
7 years ago: We still haven’t set a date for the wedding and are tempted to elope and have a “REAL” wedding in a few years.
Today: We got married in August of 2010 and the divorce became final in March of 2015. Getting married was the biggest mistake of my life, which is saying a lot, because I make a ton of mistakes. I can’t see myself ever getting married again. I feel like it should be enough to just love someone without getting the law involved.
7 years ago: I used to be addicted to porn. I also have a gambling problem and curse like a sailor.
Today: I think “addiction” is a strong word but I still watch a lot of porn and have trouble leaving the casino on the seldom occasions I go. Also, fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
7 years ago: There are still places on my tummy that are numb from the C-section.
Today: My son asks me from time to time why he can’t visit his first apartment AKA my tummy.
7 years ago: Up until the They Might Be Giants concert last year, I had only been to one concert…Britney Spears when I was like 11 which is very embarrassing to admit when you love music as much as I do.
Today: I can finally listen to They Might Be Giants again without wanting to cry, throw up or punch someone. They were my ex-husband’s favorite band. I would still like to see more bands play live but I’ve seen several more over the years.
7 years ago: When I met Zeke I never thought we would become anything serious. In fact, I almost didn’t date him because of “the face” and he seemed overly affectionate.
Today: I should have trusted my instincts. I’m thankful for my relationship with Zeke because out of it came my son but I should have left him sooner. I will never date someone based on how much they like me or how persistent they are ever again.
7 years ago: I never had morning sickness when I was pregnant, although I did get dizzy a lot.
Today: I wonder if I’ll ever have another baby. Part of me wants to. Another part of me thinks about traveling once Leland turns 18. I’ll be 37 when he turns 18. If I have another kid, I’ll have to wait until my late forties or early fifties to finally see the world or risk never seeing it at all.
7 years ago: I have never been drunk and therefore have never had a hangover. And smoked pot only once. And being high pissed me off because I felt inspired to write but was in a car and didn’t have anything to write with/on.
Today: I drink socially. I haven’t smoked in over a year. I’ve never been so hungover or so drunk that I’ve thrown up. I’ve come pretty close though. I drink the most when I’m around the guy I want but can’t have. Or when I’m around any guy I have an awkward history with, basically.
7 years ago: I’m short. 5ft 2in, I believe and if I knew how to walk in heels I would wear them everyday to make up for it.
Today: I’m actually 5’3’’ and I wear wedge heels fairly often and love how tall they make me.
7 years ago: I have never lived anywhere but Louisiana and have never travelled any further than North (or was it South?) Carolina. Also, I have never been on a plane, but have been on a helicopter for about 15 minutes as a kid.
Today: It was North Carolina…I’d like to move there. Or Canada. Or maybe Portland or Seattle. I don’t want to be here anymore although I have grown to appreciate Louisiana more than I did back then. For the people. For the musicians, comedians and artists mostly.
7 years ago: I hate most girls and have always had more guy friends but now that I’m a mom I find myself wishing I had more girl friends and married or engaged friends. Or friends with kids.
Today: I probably have an equal amount of male and female friends now. I still don’t like most females but the females that I’m friends with are amazing. Most of the moms at my son’s school are older than me and all they talk about are their kids. I’m not about that life. I’m a person, not just a parent. My kid doesn’t define me.
7 years ago: I named my cat Revenge because that’s what she was. My roommates got a dog when my other roommate and I already said we didn’t want one, so I looked in the Quik Quarter for a cat and the rest is history. Her middle name is Evangeline…because it sounds pretty. You can’t have a story behind everything. Deal with it.
Today: I miss that cat. I let a friend live with me for a while (along with her cat). She left the door open one day and my cat ran out…her’s stayed. Cunt.
7 years ago: I look forward to Poker Night more than anything else throughout the week because I love poker, having that time to spend with our awesome group of friends, and its just very special to me because ONE Poker Night changed my life FOREVER. I met Zeke at the first one I attended and now we have a beautiful baby boy and I’m hostess of Poker Night. Who could ask for more?
Today: Me. I could ask for more. I miss playing poker. I miss hanging out with some of those people as a group. Some of them I still hang out with one on one. What I look forward to now socially are comedy nights and dinner dates with friends I truly care about and that truly care about me.
*Name changed to protect the awful.